why tune in (because all i want to do is tune out)?
Comments(6)Seriously? Seriously. So in my last post, I was all “we should appreciate stuff” and “we’re so lucky” and stuff, right? Riiiiiight. And now, here I am, in a super-de-duper important class – in fact, the FINAL class I need in order to receive a masters degree in International Education – and all I want to do is tune out.
Research, as many of you are well aware of, often includes something many people refer to as “numbers”. And for those of you that know me, you know that me and “numbers” do NOT get along. We fight. We squabble. We do not, unfortunately, have a witty repartee in the vein of a Katharine Hepburn/Spencer Tracy film. Indeed, it’s ugly. Right now in class we’re having a conversation about positive correlations and validity and reliability and a plus minus something rather, and I want to curl up in a ball. I have the sick feeling in my stomach that I used to get going to Mr. A*****r’s 9th grade math class. Why? Why do I feel this way?
Because I don’t like it when I don’t know the answer. I like literature, because while there are right answers, the emphasis is not on “right”, it’s on the conversation, the analysis, the idea behind and beyond something. Now, there’s probably that same discourse in the upper echelons of mathematics but I’m not there so I can’t speak to that. What I also like about literature is that it’s my strength; I get it, I know it, it’s my bag, it’s what I get down on.
Ok. So…what now? I am trying to make sense of this for me in the hopes that maybe it might make sense to someone else and this is what I think: when you don’t like something you should do it more. My professor is great and all this fear and frustration is my own. So I’m going to research like crazy and try to produce a cohesive paper that reflects my research on the validity of AP courses and I’m going to ask a million questions and look stupid but I’ll be better off because of it. I believe that it is – gasp! – okay to NOT always know the answer! True intelligence comes from knowing just how much you don’t know.
As a grown up (kind of?), I have to do things every day that I don’t want to; I don’t want to clean my apartment, I don’t want to do dishes, I don’t want to run errands, but I CHOOSE to because I accept the responsibility (and the fun perks) that comes along with being an adult.
So why tune in? Because I made the choice to pursue this degree, and therefore I won’t run away from it. And you shouldn’t run away from stuff that you don’t like either; however, that doesn’t mean I won’t procrastinate and write my essay at the last moment (I AM human, after all).
Edited to add: I just took a practice test for the chapter we just discussed and I haven’t seen a score that low since my horrific 9th grade math class. Awesome. Learning is greeeaaat.
Ms.P! I totally agree with you on “And for those of you that know me, you know that me and “numbers” do NOT get along.” It’s exactly the same for me!
That’s why I suck at anything that involves math…sigh…
“when you don’t like something you should do it more.” This is what my dad always tells me every single day…I’m sick of it now…but hearing the same thing from someone else rather than the same person adds motivation and inspiration! =) (This is the second inspiration I got from you through blog today! =D )
Dear Ms. P,
Congratulations, Mr. P! You’re DONE! YOU’RE DONE with your MASTERS CLASS! Ahh, I’m so proud of you. You have successfully managed to teach and learn at the same time. Yes, I know sometimes you were in such a pe-in mode (do you know this term?) during class that I was a little afraid if your loudest class of all – A Block – would make you go mad. Haha. =P
Are you going to continue taking classes next year?
Ms. P! You’re right. Running away from what one has committed to do is just simply being, IRRESPONSIBLE.
I want to agree with one part you have mentioned here… we have to do ‘things’ everyday that we don’t want to… things that deals with school and home (for me as a student). It’s important to know that everyone has their duties and when it’s done, WHOOSh we get the feeling of … what do you call it… pleasure? freedom?
These feelings are all I am targeting for when I try to persuade myself not to procrastinate.
Ms. P
SERIOUSLY. We should make a club …
“Anti-procrastination” and the first thing we’ll do is sell tshirts that says “I hate procrastinating but I still do it.”
It will be sold in a day I’m sure
Visit my blog, Ms. P!
Hi Ms. P!
I miss you!!!! Everyone in English F (and I assume D and E) does. I really wish I could tune out right now, but it’s junior year, so I need to tune in more than ever..and yes, you’re right, I MADE the choice to take certain challenging classes, and and PROMISED myself to make this year the best. So I can’t run away now.
I updated my blog finally!
Haha I took the hint from your “look” on orientation day. 
Just kidding but really, I did update half in regard to you.
So please visit!
– JANE
at times, i think running away is justified
just saying but i’m saying hahaha
Hello Ms. P!
I bet I’m going to write a post like this soon too. : ) I just wrote about how I decided to “love” and appreciate school everyday but frequently I doubt myself too.
You commented it’s a good attitude and I think so too, so I’m going to try my best to keep it up but I already foresee myself ranting about how awful school is; or more like how awful the grade system and homework are. But I’ll recover everytime : )
You just explained the exact reasons why I hate math and why I love literature. Haha. I always love literature due to the same reason as yours that “right” and “wrong” almost never matters. Discussions, essays, interpretations are totally up to the reader but in math, there’s always a right or wrong answer as well as strict formulas. Literature rarely follows a formula. There are reoccuring themes but there’s no formula to follow when reading. I just hate math. I got the worst grade ever in math. Haha. I just don’t get it while I love interpreting literature.
But I try my best to hold on to math because as you mentioned, “when you don’t like something you should do it more.” It’s awfully painful when I solve math problems but I do feel accomplished when I finish assignments or get better grades on exams. Ha… I guess that’s how life goes. Cest La Vie!
Congratulations on your master’s degree! It must have been HARD! You’re amazing Ms. P : )
-Lauren